$900 000

Another flight, time to reflect.

So many moments, images, experiences, sensations, emotions that it is hard to single them out. I can’t possibly pick any favourite moment or hold a sexual crescendo any higher than gazing into each other’s eyes, laying naked fingertips stroking each other or even walking hand in hand through foreign (to me) streets, each experience, unique and exquisite. Before now, our secret keywords were kind of decided upon and almost agreed at the time, it’s gone full vocabulary now. As I have conversations with people or attend business meetings, simple words spoken conjure up full blown flashbacks, full color, cinematic experience, sensations and emotions to match.

I promised not to degrade the truly adult moments by describing them here which makes it easier to pick on some moments to recount (I’ll drop some hints along the way though). So many “getting to know you” times. Swapping scars and their related stories, spinning off into tales of family and childhood, chasing those threads of conversation that we always missed in our borrowed moments when we are far apart. Blissful is a word I’m using a lot because it, quite simply, fits.

Talking about what we’d do if we really did win $900,000 on the slots was both truly fantastical, a fiction played out but also very serious, discussing our wants and needs, entrepreneurial spirit and drive, our ambition and need to succeed, exceed expectations and where those impulses were rooted. That contrast, fantasy and reality bound up in the surreal seems to be our signature theme. Anything Fucking Goes, Nothing Fucking Matters, extended past just sheer animal abandon into the realms of dreams and aspirations, purpose and desire, forever intermingled. Listening to her dissect my yearnings in an objective way, that only she can, was truly humbling, I want more. Listening to her desires and inclinations from my logical, inquisitive perspective was an eye opener too, what’s more I have ideas forming, they aren’t ready yet, but my subconscious computer is running, I’ll let you know what it comes up with. 900K baby, 900K

I’m still reeling from that first 24 hours, it was so incredibly rich, seemed to last forever, lost in the dreamlike state, we met, embraced, kissed, heart skipped, Uber-ed, kissed, checked in, dropped bags, almost stayed, forced our way out, flirted, bar stooled, swapped ice, people watched, grinned, held hands, walked, casino-ed, bad-customer-serviced, returned, got naked, OMFG-ed (a lot) talked, kissed, stroked, laughed (a lot), room serviced (eventually), fed each other, laughed, loved, slept, awoke, slept, sated, added more firsts to the list, laid in the sun. Fuuck. Time truly distorted, I think I’m still there in an alternative universe, running that in a loop, lucky alternative me.

So many more experiences, weird coincidences (1337’s) but I’ll return to those as time allows. Business kicks in and time takes on a new cadence. Colleagues, customers, offices, Ubers, flights, hotels, Ubers, flights, customers, colleagues. You get the picture, and be assured there are another million moments committed to memory in there but then.. We had to go separate ways, taking different flights from the same airport was heart-breaking but just for a day, just a day, just a day… I’m still stunned by how hard that was. A flight, an Uber ride, a hotel, a night, a meeting, without her was painful to say the least but I feel I’ve had time to reflect, recharge and think about the time so far. I think it was important, needed, the universe sent it to remind us, I’m reminded. I get it. Bring.Super.Me

To you, the incredibly strong and driven, beautiful, powerful, universal gemstone. Thank you for sharing this time with me, for swapping stories and sharing your heart, emotions, family discussions. Thank you for losing yourself with me, thank you for wanting me. I hope I can impress you with the next period, with the recharged, inventive, super me. Universe, you proved you were listening so many times this week. The first surreal 24 hours proved you were listening when I asked you for time folding, you did it, seriously you did, fuuck. Keep it up, I’m at your knees.

Kisses

I’ve not written much for a few days, let’s face it, I’ve been a little busy. The world (universe) has changed fundamentally again, as expected and I’m sat in (yet another) hotel room, alone, writing with goosebumps, and that tingling at the base of my brain. My god (universe)… The words fundamental, elemental, foundational (bedrock) just don’t seem to touch how I am feeling. Emotions, sensations surpass mere words, this is just an attempt at trying to clumsily express something that cannot be expressed.

It started like this. I arrived, she arrived, we stepped towards each other slowly, grinning, checking each other out and watching eyes, lips, expression closely. Intertwined in an embrace, long, sweet, warm, firm, beyond a bear hug, just being together. Some gentle kisses and then it began. The whirlwind, hurricane, tornado started, whisking our realities, our bodies, our lives together into a crazy, turbulent, indescribable series of experiences that seem to have merged into one in my mind, Like some kind of physical, spiritual, emotional singularity. When I think about the last few days it appears in my mind like that, an ethereal ball of infinite sensation, moments, whizzing past in the wrong order. I recall every moment, every touch, every word, every city, every hotel, every touch, every emotion in mind bending detail, Fuck me. Fuuck. Just Oh My Fucking God.

I want to diarize each moment, each embrace, each… well you know what I mean but I’ll have to think about that a little longer. Committing our private moments, the physical, the sharing, the trust, the exploring, the thoughts and bodies exposed may weaken it’s power, watch this space, perhaps some moments will sneak in here.

I’ll tell you now, kissing with her is one of my all time favorite things(real favorite). I never conceived that there could be such a diverse range of kisses, how they could reach inside me and tug my heart, physically effect me, not just the obvious swelling but heart rate, stomach churning, brain tingling, mind bending. I’m thinking of all the types of kisses and the fact that pretty much every day brought a new one into being. Soft, hard, urgent, slow, teasing, sucking, needy, loving. Wordless, while I was considering these this morning, I was thinking of the most recent addition to this incredible rich vocabulary of sensuous touches, I’ll call it the vaccuum (like outer space not the cleaner). Pressing our lips together firmly and parting our lips slighty, we start to increase the sucking, no tongues, just suction. FUUUUCCCKK, I cannot describe how incredibly sexy that is, the first time it happened, the world stood still while we writhed and touched and came (sorry).

As powerful as that is, it occurred to me that I’d never thought there were more types of kisses but now I know there are more, an infinite number of kisses to be experienced, I’m beside myself thinking about that, sharing our feelings, wants and needs, insecurities, passion, just by pressing our lips to each other. I’m renewed and energized anew.

My goddess, I feel myself kissing you now. Thank you for activating this in me and sharing your innermost desires wordless with your lips on mine. I’ll see you soon.

Universe, fuuck. That is all.

Now

On my way, literally. Writing this from the plane, time to destination 6 hours, 15 minutes. I spoke with her this morning, she was “running errands”, keeping herself busy until her own travel schedule kicked in. It was amazing, so relaxed and easy, just the right am ount of excitement and trepidation mixed with want, need. I said this part was easy, I’d crossed the threshold in to “airside”, all I had to do was get on the plane and wait until I was with her, easy, simple, not a problem. Outside I’m grinning and amusing, charming even, lots of pleases and thank yous, smiles and universe winning interactions. Even the girl in Boots didn’t bat an eye when I bought what I did!

“Next stop, her”

Inside, am I freaking out? Am I a mess of stomach churning and butterflies? Yeah, I am, but it’s not uncomfortable, it’s raw, real, unbridled (thank you). I’m still grinning, wedged into my window seat with a “single serving” couple sat next to me. Not had to fight my way to the bathroom yet but no doubt I will. Not so worried about using the loo, jut want to make sure I get freshened up and brush my teeth so i smell mice when I see her, press my lips on hers. Oh.. Just got butterflies pretty hard then, typing those words did it, so real. Better not go any further, could be uncomfortable.

She sounded excited, alive, in love when we spoke earlier, we were just having fun and joking around, being silly. I describing what was going on around me and she was giving comments and opinions. (Not to mention describing what she was wearing, oh my). We ran to my gate together as I thought I was late but, as is always the case, there was a wait and a line. We talked until we couldn’t, having to hang up before I breached sone kind of air flight regulation, scrabbling to my seat and desperately trying to get a signal with my phone pressed against the plane window.

We exchanged a few texts, just enough to ensure we left knowing we were both longing, wanting, needing. I’m on my way, on my way. By the time this hits the net, I’ll be on the ground, traversing the airport and international protocols to burst through the arrivals door. It’ll be like a movie slow motion love scene, at least that’s how I plan to remember it.

To my love, this last break has been a journey, incredible highs and a few lows too, I can’t believe wait to lose myself with you, to you, in you. Let’s have a few (24 plus) hours of crazy abandon, enjoying ourselves and each other, lost, unbridled, the world (universe) is ours. The axhe is over, we are together.

Universe, great work. Sniffles largely managed, traffic supportive, airport a breeze. Even the flight is pretty good. I throw myself on my knees to you. You’ve done it again.

Wake Up

One more wake up, that is, if I sleep at all. The stretching of days using time-zones becomes important here because, it means I can categorically state: I will see her tomorrow!

“Who?” I hear you ask…

Well, simply the most incredible, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, intelligent, intriguing, enigmatic, funny, beguiling, mesmerizing, spellbinding, (words fail me) woman on the planet (universe). I’ve talked about her here a little bit.. My goddess, universal deity, gemstone, shining light… I fall at my knees before her. I am privileged to simply know her but it’s now much more than that. To have shared the time we have had so far has been incredible, the talking, smiling, laughter, flirting, playing, tears, moaning (sorry), sleeping, waking, sleeping, cumming (sorry), dating, working, aching, wanting, missing, loving, planning, sleeping. And, not sure if I mentioned this. I’ll be seeing her tomorrow. 

The universe has bent to my (our) will again and found a way for us to be together and now, the schedule is set, itinerary written (thank you), bags packed (nearly) and car fueled. I wish I could leave now, my heart and soul already has.

I think “super me” left last night, I don’t feel right today, I’m anxious, aching, twitchy, distracted, weak, trembly, legs like Jello ;), yearning, really fucking bad. Physical symptoms betraying the emotions I am feeling. I’m universally lost, besotted, in love with her, helplessly. I am beside myself. Petrified and exhilarated in equal measure, I can’t explain it. So many questions, so many stories to tell, I just hope she’ll hold me like I’ll hold her when I get there.

WAKE UP. One more, just one, that’s all. I’ve no time for doubt and worry, shit.just.got.real AGAIN. It’s hard telling myself this right now and I don’t know why. I hope I’ll speak with her because I know she’ll sort me out, I need my fuel for the journey and although I’ll admit to feeling a little weak right now but all I want to do is be strong, capable, powerful, self assured, sexy, smartest man in the room for her, so she knows I’m worthy of her affections. I’ll try, I’ll find super me, he’s probably already waiting in the arrivals hall. He fucking better be.

You beautiful thing. I’m coming, I’m on my way, just one more wake up, the journey will begin. I can’t get passed holding you in arrivals although I do have some plans, once I re-unite with super me I WILL show you, tell you, share with you, there will be rules…

Universe, thank you for delivering me this far. You’ve given me the universal gift of her companionship, just meeting her in person once was breathtaking. The long road since, filled with emotion, guessing, wondering and finally now, the awakening of everything in this very short space of time, thank you. Please help calm me and assure me, find my super me. I want to be the best I possibly can for her. No, scratch that I NEED to be the best I can for her “want” just doesn’t cut it. I leave that one in your hands.

The Big Slow

Flights booked. Not long now, just three “wake ups” before I board and jet off to another continent, I’m so excited, I can barely sleep. The problem is, time has now take on a new pace, slowing down as if seconds tick past like minutes, the minutes like hours. I checked the time last night about 20 times in an hour, drifting off to sleep each time I checked, only to find virtually no time had passed, I gave up on sleeping after a while but that means more waking time to watch tick by. This is going to be a long, long, long few days. It’s like I am now running in hyper time and everyone else is in normal, unbearably slow time. Sitting here on the train watching everything in slow motion, people walking, working, eating as if in a surreal dream of slowness and I’m running on a different clock, checking the time and planning and double planning, working out what to pack, check the time, imagine the landing, meeting at the airport, check the time. You get the picture.

Putting a positive spin on it, it feels like a new super power. I’m typing like my fingers are on fire, filling my days with tasks and actually getting them done, merely a distraction you understand. I feel like I could snatch a bullet from it’s path as it glides slowly through the air in “normal time”. I promise not to try that for real, hopefully the metaphor stands though.

I’m going to see her, the center of my world (universe), my goddess, my love, my universal constant, the source of my super powers. After last time, I feel slightly (only slightly!) more confident that the world won’t implode when we touch but I do know for sure reality is going to change again, permanently, again. I keep running through the scenario of our meeting, there are a myriad of outcomes, some dreamy and romantic, others (many) positively R-rated, however, they all start with our eyes locking and me taking her into my arms, holding her tight, firm, safe in my grasp. Her face tilted upwards slightly, eyes telling a story, every story all at once. Communicating from afar has so many challenges and they will all pale into insignificance once we can look into each others eyes again, reading each others souls; reading our wants and needs as only we seem to be able to. While on other continents, we already have a sixth sense for each others moods and needs, I know when we are together they’ll be little need for verbal communication, we’ll just know everything. I won’t need to listen for her smile or hear the tiny sound she makes when she bites her bottom lip, I’ll be able to see it.

I am beside myself with a multitude of emotions, love, need, want, trepidation, fear, longing, love, the list is endless. Although there will be no need to talk, there are so many things I want to discuss, to listen to her tell me about, to hear her stories, opinions, moans (sorry). The small talk over a drink or dinner, chest time when we’ll discuss anything we fucking like because everything is fucking ok and nothing is off the fucking agenda. AFG, NFM. Pretty sure they’ll be lots of that too, I dream off that too, I have a few (many) plans.

For my love, my precious jewel, sparkling at me from across the void, you are literally the light of my world (universe). Don’t stop shining, I’m coming to you, for you. Please light the way.

Universe, seriously, sort the time thing out, you are killing me here. Oh, if you can fix these sniffles too, I’d really appreciate it!

5 Days

Is it true, could it be? just five days before I travel, not sure where to or from which airport yet but the details seem irrelevant right now, just as long as I’m going. Every time I think about it, my reality seems to twist, a feel a little (a lot) light headed and the world around me seems to be distorted somehow. I know I sound crazy but I guess I am. Crazy about her. Have I mentioned her before? The shining light in my darkness, beatiful, gorgeous, passion personified? My universal goddess, the activator of my super powers, my rock, my love.

So now it feels like time has taken on a new velocity, it’s weird, the time is falshing past, will we have time to organise it, will I be able to book the flights so late? At the same time, minutes crawl past. My entire being wanting, needing to be there. If you could travel by will or passion alone, I’d have enough to transport us anywhere in the universe. I keep imagining that it’s true, willing myself across our divide, just in case (Are you listening Universe?)

My schedule this week is quite hectic, lots of distractions to pass the time but it’ll disrupt our ability to talk. That makes me nervous just thinking about it, I need my fix, I need my love, I need my …… (nearly!).

I’m still thinking of ways to extend my visit. We discussed it yesterday, what if I could fly back on Thursday? We could fly together, jet lag and 6000 mile flight would be so much more bearable with her in my arms. I wouldn’t need sleep, or food, or drink, just her by my side as sustenance. Mmmm, that picture makes me smile, snuggled up in the plane together, I don’t think I’d notice the uncomfortable seats. Baggage hall, customs, border security would be fun, not a chore. Let’s see what the universe offers. I hope we don’t share the flight with colleagues, it’ll be embarrassing for them.

My love, my heart, my everything, I’m counting the seconds. I’ve said “holding you” so many times, I’m wearing it out but it’s all I want to do, melting together, time will stand still, our hearts beating as one after what feel like an eternity apart, I can still feel the airport ouch, it was both just yesterday and forever ago.

Universe, good work on the roller coaster, you sure like to keep this interesting. Keep her safe, the weather is terrible. I maintain my faith in you, hold her until I can get there.

Rain

I’m heading into London towards the rain, it’s going to rain all day. Fitting.

I said in the last post “I hope it’s not too late” well it was. Four fucking hours too late. My inability to stay awake much past nine let me down again. Fuck.

She needed me and I wasn’t there I was unconscious, unknowing. I feel her pain now, my own gut wrenching, soul twisting pain knowing I caused her sadness. Fuck

I woke at two but she didn’t want to talk, I don’t blame her, I failed. I hope she’s sleeping now and the hurt has subsided. I’ll not forgive myself, I would never knowingly cause her discomfort, I only want the opposite for her, us, rapture and bliss, euphoria and love.

Now the rain is coming, fitting, it matches my soul, it’s raining there too, i can feel the heavy dark clouds and drenching drops inside me. I used too many eyedrops this morning so I had an excuse for my wet eyes, guess what, those weren’t eyedrops rolling down my face. I’ve talked about the power of words before and in amongst her few words, there were 6, just.six that made me sick to my core. I know what she meant, I think, but they could be perceived all manner of ways. Now it is my turn to wait, trembling, buttoned up in my suit, searching for the micro nutrients to get my soul through the morning. Distractions aren’t working.

My precious, beautiful, magical gemstone. Forgive me for letting you down. I’m going to change my evening routine. No drink, no sitting in front of the computer or tv. Hell, no sitting at all! I hope we can talk today and I can kiss your figurative tears from here. I love you.

Universe, please be with her now, hold her and let my words whisper in her ears. Kissing the corner of that gorgeous mouth. Please universe, please.

6 Days

Weekends are hard. (serious understatement) The lack of defined schedule and chaotic requirements thrust upon us by other people is a constant challenge to being able to talk, at the right time, in the right frame of mind. Weirdly, when we do talk, it doesn’t seem to matter. It means we spend time talking about things we wouldn’t normally choose to and evolve our understanding of each other in ways we hadn’t considered. It just doesn’t happen when we might like

I have this “thing” where I imagine she is with me wherever I am and if a notable experience happens or an interesting thing is seen, I do my best to take a picture of something that sums up the experience so I can share it, either straight away or when time-zones allow. It makes for an interesting twist on the mundane, imagining everything from a third party perspective, hoping to find the positive in the uninteresting, finding the good in the dull, finding excitement everywhere, it’s addictive, it’s shaping my world (universe). I spend so much time thinking about what I want to discuss, those infinite threads I’ve mentioned before keep stacking up. There’s a lifetime of conversation right here, waiting to be played out, at our fingertips and that’s not scary, it’s ok, a goal, a plan. Too much? I don’t think so and hope not.

I love shopping with her (I hate shopping normally) but when we are talking it is fun, exciting, an adventure. I explain what I’m seeing, what shop I am in, trying to translate the shop types and names, letting her listen to me interact with the staff and random public, I don’t usually like people much but with her on my figurative arm I seem to like everyone, the world can do no wrong. She sent me pictures of her shopping trip, I loved that, transported to her in delayed time, I couldn’t be there at the time so she sent me snapshots to deliver me there after the fact. Such fun living together, even if it means piecing together fragmented moments.

I’m firmly in surreal-ity if that’s a thing, constantly transcending distance, time-zones, language nuances, mood. It’s fun, exciting, invigorating, terrifying, challenging, rewarding, OMFG-ing with an overall dreamy feel. I stupidly question myself too often, super-me disappearing randomly, leaving me in a crazy place, having to have a word with myself. I’m walking on air almost all of the time (exceptions aforementioned), every now and then losing my footing and falling, free-falling but she always catches me, hears it in my voice or my words and makes me feel assured again, another way we balance each other. I hope I’m not a burden.

My visual cortex is constantly overworked, I’m spending more time in a visualized place than I am in my reality, grinning and picturing her in every detail. Today I could literally see her in her shorts and tank top at the track, every detail, her skin moist from the crazy heat. Could smell her, could feel her smooth skin under my fingers as they slid up her legs into the baggy shorts to find. Oh.My. No panties. Uh Oh. Yeah, I go there too, swollen, half blind, grinning, crazy man that I am, surreal, dreamy existence. I need her.

6 days and we’ll be together, for real, in person, in real life, physically in the same place, in the same country, (you get the picture) again. Holding, touching, kissing, gazing into her eyes. God I love those eyes, I could wait out eternity just losing myself in them. I’m picturing the last time a gazed into them, it was a sad moment but we felt so connected, so in love, I can feel her in my arms. Stupid airports, stupid security, stupid time-zones, stupid 6000 miles, I had to let her go but the universe seems to think we need to be together again and it’s coming. Less than a week, I’m beside myself, picturing our meeting a thousand ways is currently my favorite pastime, there is no bad outcome, holding is key, a million ways it plays out but always holding, kissing, gazing and that’s all that matters right now.

It’s 2 AM here and I’m awake because I didn’t finish this blog post. My little gift to help her Sunday, I hope it’s not too late.

My everything, my goddess, know you are here with me, in my thoughts, my mind, my vision (those eyes). Picturing you isn’t just a pastime, it’s a necessity. Today we mentioned addiction and I’m in serious withdrawal. I can’t wait to hold you, my week is going to be full of constantly trying to find distractions. Thank you for being my world, for being there for me whether I’m playful or crazy or sad or all of the above, thank you for rocking my world. Need to book some flights.

Universe, keep up the good work. If things go to plan, weekends won’t be a problem for a few weeks. Thank you.

7 Days

It happened, we were together, against all odds, the universe brought us together. The world didn’t implode, although perhaps it should have done, the emotions were strong enough to tear a hole in the space/time continuum but the time constant continued, reality clinging tenuously to the universe through our mind blowing experiences.

As you’ve read, that time came to an end and as much as we willed that not to be so, we found ourselves apart again, 6000 miles which might as well be 6 million miles, I’m here, she’s there, that is a fixed fact. ouch, ouch, ouch. Distractions is all I focus on to make the days bearable without her. Fuuck.

I have to admit, I skipped work a little bit, I’m supposed to be above that but I couldn’t.fucking.concentrate on anything but her and our experiences. The new week arrived, I’d bitten back the tears, put on the big boy pants and immersed myself into the professional world again. (ouch is a constant). My first meeting quite a significant one seemed to go well, I made my points, well received, what the hell… “By the way, we should do a US workshop, needs to be on an aggressive timescale”

“Yes, get on that, make it happen as soon as possible” said my new boss. WTF universe, you scored again, just days since I held her in my arms, tears washing down my cheeks not knowing when we’ll see each other again, you just made it so we will be together. I can only assume we are part of a universal plan, part of a greater picture. We must be destined to do great things together, it feels so right. The pieces fit, we fit, balance..

Now I have a new distraction, thinking about holding her this time next week, in the airport, cab, hotel… oh my… Holding hands, jet lagged, taking in the sites and sounds of a new city together, pondering the universal plan for us. Nothing will matter, anything will go. Sigh.

Today was another good day. Fate (god, universe, overseeing deity – not to mention alarm clock) had us spending some quality time together, walking the mall, whispering quietly in a phone booth (I didn’t tell her I was in a phone booth). Visiting stores and flummoxing store staff by talking as if she were there. She was, to me, transported across the vast distances with a phone and a headset. I love that doing everyday tasks and chores with her elevates them from the mundane to the mind blowing, discussing life, love, parenting, business, runners, shoppers, geniuses, sex, travel, cars, money, sex…. mind blowing. It’s so easy to lose track of time, heart sinking when I realise we have to return to our respective lives, our souls returning to hibernation until the next opportunity to speak when they awaken and sing and dance together, transcending the distance, entwined in the clouds.

Dawn is approaching here and night has fallen there, the void of our respective nights are hardest for both of us, she gets the pain first, then I wake and ache, searching for distractions even before my eyes are open. Another day closer to seeing her though, what to pack, what to wear, distractions, distractions.

To you, my universal, soul singing goddess. You are quite simply everything, I’m going to hold you soon, whatever it takes. I need to. Thank you for spending your precious time with me, virtually, remotely, intimately. I love you.

Universe. Thank you, thank you. By the way, I hate the nights, can you fix that?

Synchronicity

So much has happened in so little time, I feel dizzy to my core.

I suggested something fundamental, universe changing, immeasurable in size might happen when we met and… it did. Things are different again, just as I thought it couldn’t get stronger or more powerful. Boom. There it is, turning it up a notch, like some kind of universal multiplier. Not just turning the volume knob another notch, finding out there is another gear, another setting which multiplies the rate and depth by an order of magnitude.. Fuuuck. Really.. Fuuck

As the physical and emotional has evolved, morphed, become something new and different, so has the universe or my view of it. The pieces of the puzzle seem to be screaming at me to solve them, they feel achingly close like an optical illusion, willing me to see the hidden picture. The quantity of coincidences and “clues” increases day by day, plus something new, different, a sense of universal contraction, alignment, unification. It’s like the path has been set and what was ethereal and mysterious is showing itself in all it’s glory., the universe finally finding it hard to hide it’s hand. The world (universe) seems somehow smaller, less complicated, less intangible albeit the distances involved are still pretty collossal. I swear I had an out of body experince the other night as I was with her, physically, more than a dream, so much more than a dream, I get shivers (and other side effects) just thinking of it.

Synchronicity is the word that keeps coming to mind. We are back in our respective time-zones with all that entails, frustration, sadness, snatched moments, heart rate determined by “She is typing …” or not.. But… When we discuss our respective days there are similarities that are hard to argue away with logic, coincidences so obviously unlikely it seems that fate, the universe, god, <insert deity here> is almost goading us. “See?”, “Is it obvious yet?”. I’m struggling to explain this but it’s a feeling so strong it makes me pause often, trying to figure it out or at least describe it. It’s like before we were opposite hands, just touching by the fingertips finding each other across the void but now, fingers intertwined, we are clasped together, tightly, immovable, when one moves so does the other, even thousands of miles apart. Some kind of universal entanglement. My “sixth sense” related to her mood, feelings, needs seems to be second nature now. I even managed to guess what she was doing with her mouth when talking by text only. That felt pretty impressive. We’ve fallen into the same rhythm, dancing to the same universal song. Weird, fateful, incredible, immeasurably powerful. I never expected this. Some kind of cataclysmic event but not this.

It freaks me out that everything else is paling, (seriously) into insignificance. Nothing seems to inspire me or be more important than our next communication, the next time I hear her voice, the next meeting, the next…. OMFG.. I need to immerse myself in the next chapter, it’s like a great big universal novel that I can’t read fast enough, re-reading the previous pages and chapters often to keep me sane in the meantime.

Anyway, this post has brought me back from the silence, I’ve more to say, more to ponder, so much more of my goddess to worship, so very much more.

My love, my goddess, my.. nearly said you name (pretend I did, at least three times)… entwined and entangled across the seemingly infinite distance, I’ve never felt more connected and close to you. I can see and touch you at any time, the other night you were here or I was there, I don’t know which but it was real. Thank you for coming, thank you for being, thank you for your lips, thank you, I love you. Unbridled.

Universe, I feel like I’ve solved the first level, puzzle, challenge and now I’m starting to understand the rules but you’ve increased the number of dimensions. Challenge accepted.