Weekends are hard. (serious understatement) The lack of defined schedule and chaotic requirements thrust upon us by other people is a constant challenge to being able to talk, at the right time, in the right frame of mind. Weirdly, when we do talk, it doesn’t seem to matter. It means we spend time talking about things we wouldn’t normally choose to and evolve our understanding of each other in ways we hadn’t considered. It just doesn’t happen when we might like

I have this “thing” where I imagine she is with me wherever I am and if a notable experience happens or an interesting thing is seen, I do my best to take a picture of something that sums up the experience so I can share it, either straight away or when time-zones allow. It makes for an interesting twist on the mundane, imagining everything from a third party perspective, hoping to find the positive in the uninteresting, finding the good in the dull, finding excitement everywhere, it’s addictive, it’s shaping my world (universe). I spend so much time thinking about what I want to discuss, those infinite threads I’ve mentioned before keep stacking up. There’s a lifetime of conversation right here, waiting to be played out, at our fingertips and that’s not scary, it’s ok, a goal, a plan. Too much? I don’t think so and hope not.

I love shopping with her (I hate shopping normally) but when we are talking it is fun, exciting, an adventure. I explain what I’m seeing, what shop I am in, trying to translate the shop types and names, letting her listen to me interact with the staff and random public, I don’t usually like people much but with her on my figurative arm I seem to like everyone, the world can do no wrong. She sent me pictures of her shopping trip, I loved that, transported to her in delayed time, I couldn’t be there at the time so she sent me snapshots to deliver me there after the fact. Such fun living together, even if it means piecing together fragmented moments.

I’m firmly in surreal-ity if that’s a thing, constantly transcending distance, time-zones, language nuances, mood. It’s fun, exciting, invigorating, terrifying, challenging, rewarding, OMFG-ing with an overall dreamy feel. I stupidly question myself too often, super-me disappearing randomly, leaving me in a crazy place, having to have a word with myself. I’m walking on air almost all of the time (exceptions aforementioned), every now and then losing my footing and falling, free-falling but she always catches me, hears it in my voice or my words and makes me feel assured again, another way we balance each other. I hope I’m not a burden.

My visual cortex is constantly overworked, I’m spending more time in a visualized place than I am in my reality, grinning and picturing her in every detail. Today I could literally see her in her shorts and tank top at the track, every detail, her skin moist from the crazy heat. Could smell her, could feel her smooth skin under my fingers as they slid up her legs into the baggy shorts to find. Oh.My. No panties. Uh Oh. Yeah, I go there too, swollen, half blind, grinning, crazy man that I am, surreal, dreamy existence. I need her.

6 days and we’ll be together, for real, in person, in real life, physically in the same place, in the same country, (you get the picture) again. Holding, touching, kissing, gazing into her eyes. God I love those eyes, I could wait out eternity just losing myself in them. I’m picturing the last time a gazed into them, it was a sad moment but we felt so connected, so in love, I can feel her in my arms. Stupid airports, stupid security, stupid time-zones, stupid 6000 miles, I had to let her go but the universe seems to think we need to be together again and it’s coming. Less than a week, I’m beside myself, picturing our meeting a thousand ways is currently my favorite pastime, there is no bad outcome, holding is key, a million ways it plays out but always holding, kissing, gazing and that’s all that matters right now.

It’s 2 AM here and I’m awake because I didn’t finish this blog post. My little gift to help her Sunday, I hope it’s not too late.

My everything, my goddess, know you are here with me, in my thoughts, my mind, my vision (those eyes). Picturing you isn’t just a pastime, it’s a necessity. Today we mentioned addiction and I’m in serious withdrawal. I can’t wait to hold you, my week is going to be full of constantly trying to find distractions. Thank you for being my world, for being there for me whether I’m playful or crazy or sad or all of the above, thank you for rocking my world. Need to book some flights.

Universe, keep up the good work. If things go to plan, weekends won’t be a problem for a few weeks. Thank you.