The dictionary definition of “Touch” suggests simply: “an act of touching someone or something” or “come into or be in contact with” but in my mind that definition is a universe away from what I think when I consider the word touch.

I think of the first time we touched, really the first significant touch, I’d shaken her hand, even hugged goodbye and I know she remembers me taking her hand with both of mine as we said goodbye at the bus stop but.. I know she’ll know the moment she put her arm in mine as we walked up the slope in Chicago. I’ve spoken and written often of that moment but it remains such an anchor for me, the feeling of hope and happiness, perhaps a beginning of something more and oh boy, I wasn’t wrong. That feeling of elation and joy had me walking differently from this day to now. She looped her arm in mine again that night as we ran and laughed in the rain under the smallest umbrella until it broke and we laughed out loud at the mess.

I think of the first time we touched lips, another moment I’ll never forget, her soft beautiful lips I’d been craving, the feeling of elation as I’d never felt worthy, that night and the following morning held plenty more “touches” of course! Looking back, knowing her as I do now, I take those moments with even more gratitude and reverence as she shared herself with me, blissful

As I spin through our adventures, so many of the most significant touches are actually quite simple, from just standing close on escalators, providing a feeling of support and protection to feeding each other olives. From the grip of her hand on my arm as she fed swans and screamed to bumping knees and thighs as we sat on bar stools, mostly when we are together, we hold hands constantly, a silent “I love you” constant and unbridled, the physical representation of togetherness and partnership, I love holding her hand, more bliss. I think of the times I touched her forehead for fever, and revelled whenever it passed, I think of touching her hair, whether to stroke and calm or belled in my hands. I think of the last massage she gave me and smiled as she looked down on me, I think of massages I gave to her and gave me unlimited access to touch her perfect body

Of course I can talk of more intimate touches that surpass anything I’ve ever imagined and maybe this isn’t the place but I’ll tell you that her silken skin is perfect, her lips, her neck, her shoulders, her hips, her calves, her feet, (and EVERYTHING in between!!), give me electric sensations when we touch and I dream of them over and over, whether her skilful hands on me or her skin under mine.

All of these words culminate in the thing I crave most, just sitting together with legs or knees touching, whether we are eating, playing, debriefing, or just sitting by a river near a castle. Reaching out in the night to touch a hand or just skin, waking with her on my chest or stroking my fingers on her arms, holding her when the thunderstorms come or a bad dream has woken her, simply I crave her touch, every.single.day

To you, my gorgeous girl, thank you for that first touch, for every touch since, I miss your touch more than you could possibly imagine and I reach for you every night when I wake in the dark

To the Lord, thank you for blessing my life with the woman whose touch has lifted me up and made me whole, I pray each day with thanks and implore you to bring us together so I can enjoy that touch always

The Universe, you did a good job in 2022, keep it up, it’s a new year!

ILW IMY INY ALJ