4 (3?) days and counting

Seems like I’m a day out of sync with the world. Constantly thinking about the day ahead and processing the day before. Not to mention working out what day or time it is 6000 miles away. Jeudi = Thursday but actually, most of what I’m writing about is yesterday (Mecredi / Wednesday) as the most important parts of my current day happen later (Am I making any sense – even I’m confused).

I’ll just let you into a secret that I’ll tell you about later / tomorrow when today will be yesterday.

I’ve got a plan.

It’s been building and growing in my head since 5AM, it’s universally awesome, scary, intense but I’m sold. Super me is strong today. Probably on the back of an amazing day yesterday, which I will now tell you about, leaving you with the suspense of today until tomorrow. (with me?)

Yesterday was another good day. Good doesn’t even come close. incredible, amazing. I’m using these words so often they are losing power. I’m going to have to invent some more words soon. Starting here where I left off yesterday (?) having read her words and had to get up, wash my face and button it down, my day began in someone else’s house. Someone else’s bathroom, kitchen, family, breakfast, coffee. Lovely people, lovely home, just not mine. Makes for an interesting, amusing, somewhat surreal start and as we headed out to commute to our meeting, the world had a magical sheen to it (nothing to do with sleep deprivation – honest). Heading in to London on a beautiful sunny day is always great for me, I find that I can easily replace words like “nervous” or “anxious” into “excited” and “passionate” here because, it brings out the latter in me and, having grown up in London suburbs, it always feels like home.

Business was good, positive meetings and brilliant interactions with trusted peers and customers. Finished on time and everyone, thankfully, went their separate ways meaning I could spend some time with her. I immediately set about organizing a time to talk while working on a virtual tour of some of favorite spots. As we spoke, I recounted my tears of earlier and we felt so close, I felt as though we were hand in hand as I(we) walked along the Thames and I described what I was seeing so we could enjoy them together. The warmth of the sun, the buzz of the South bank and the sites of sounds of the city going about it’s business felt like a reflection of my soul as I swaggered, smiling about the place, whispering in each other’s ears. I want so much to replay this stroll (swagger / float) with her in person but I have a suspicion we’ll have trouble emerging from behind closed doors long enough to travel more than a few hundred yards when she comes here, but let’s see. Did I mention she is coming.here.for.fucking.real, perhaps I did!

Knowing me as you do, I ask lots of questions, I’m building up my multi dimensional view of that which I adore and the questions will inevitable range dramatically based upon my mood, location, current focus and train of thought. Everything from “what are you wearing” to “What part of you do you need support with”, “Where are you” to “Tell me about your family”. Everything in between, up above, round the back and in the mirror. I am a little relentless with my questions, sorry. Inevitably, I’ll inadvertently stumble on something that causes me some misgiving, wishing I hadn’t headed down a particular path. I did this today, I’ll chalk it up to misunderstanding, clumsy questioning, stupid fucking bastard cunting fucking network cutting in and out so we had to keep repeating questions and answers, our voices no longer conveying the right tone. I shed a few more tears I’ll have you know, in a busy London station, standing at the side of the hustle and bustle, proper water running down my face. Crazy shit. 

Three words, came out of the noisy phone line (yes, resorted to direct cell phone) and only in one ear because one of my bluetooth earphones had run out of charge, three little words as I pressed the headset to my ear. Saved, my heart sang again, my inner demon’s slayed (fuck you demon voice). we talked quickly, riding this wave of positivity, washing away the doubt and embracing something different. I sensed a sexual turn in conversation and ran with it, Ran hard and fast, surfing that wave now owning like some kind of phone based sexual master, we were on fire. The crowds a blur to me, pacing to avoid anyone over hearing, fuck me. That was a serious few moments. Bounced back from that terrible dead end alley, triumphant but also with another depth or dimension (as if that were possible). I didn’t realize it then but it was the seed for the idea at 5AM.

That’s not the end by any means but it’s what I wanted to mention, needless to say, I swaggered and floated home from here, we even spoke electronically and by voice again during my slog home. Floating through the door, timezones were on my side as she helped me through a difficult evening with some words of her own.

My love (yup), I am honored to have your words shared with me, those personal insights meant so much. I’m sad for stupid networks and clumsy directions but not sad what we did to rescue it. A new dimension indeed. Thank you for being my everything. My universal power source, things falling into place fast and furious right now, thanks to you.

Universe, I’m seriously starting to run out of words to say to you. It feels like we just know each other now. By the way, I spotted the book dedication, that was obscure, really, WTF.