She once told me that our morning in Paris, when we held each other and looked deep into each others eyes, lost in each other, in our mutual passion, for what felt like was forever, was a mind blowing, out of body experience. When she said that, I was lost for words. To hear that the woman I hold in such high regard, my goddess, my angel, telling me I blew her mind, that we experienced something together never experienced before was one of the most incredible moments of my life, it changed me forever. To know that not only was I hand in hand with the goddess I hold so dear but to know that I transported her, elevated her to a transcendental state, I’ve always wanted to please her, to be the best, the first, the only in so many ways but those words… Forever they will change me.

Whenever I speak with her, whether it’s walking without care at the weekend or a quick local walk in the morning or a snatched few minutes in her office, I am transported, my surroundings blur and fall away as I put all my focus on her, all my concentration on where she is, what she is wearing, listening to the nuances in her voice, “Don’t try to work me out” she often says, but of course I will, I am, trying to read the expressions on her face without seeing them, working out how she feels and what she needs so I can do my best to fill the gaps, hold her remotely, give her support, praise, love, empathy, passion, whatever she needs. Whenever I speak to her, it’s an out of body experience for me as I focus on her and transported to her, picturing her and listening to her, the cadence of her speech, the speed of her footsteps, the noises of her surroundings, the speed of her breath, my world falls away and am irritated by anything that brings me back to my reality and breaks my thread of consciousness holding us together.

When we speak, I feel as though I am with her, holding her hand, swinging and springing or just gently touching fingers, I know how that feels and every day I feel it again when we connect, I throw myself, my heart and soul into our connection and hope beyond anything that she feels my hand in hers, my arms around her. It’s been more months than I care to mention since I held her hand for real, since we walked, slow, fast, swinging, turning heads and smiling, reaching back to guide her safely, walking with her and allowing the world around us to amuse us as we sneak wry smiles or eye rolls and I can be there in a blink of the eye when I want, I know how that feels. I’d give anything to have her hand in mine again, to feel how powerful it makes me feel to have my deity allow me to guide and support her but, for now, I hope she feels it as I do, virtually, sent across the vast distance, with nothing more than our minds.

I cannot forget her touch, her hand in mine or mine in hers, her beautiful soft skin under my hands, her mouth on me, but it is not lost on me the power of our connection if after so long apart we are stronger and just as passionate, closing our eyes and being together almost every day, it must mean something that we’ve not touched other over twice as long as when we could and yet our love is still strong and our passions still run high, we are meant to be, that much seems obvious to me, I hope she feels the same.

To you, my Goddess, my Angel, my beautiful girl, I ache for you, I yearn to take you to another level, to another out of body, mind blowing place, more firsts and bests, to make you speechless, but mostly to hold your hand. I hope you feel transported every day and thank you for allowing me to try, you are truly amazing and I am forever in love with you.

Lord, I know you have a lot of things on your hands right now but please make her feel me, my love, my hand in hers, my support and gratitude for her every day. I thank you for bringing us together, I implore you to bring us together again, I am forever in your debt.

Universe, seriously, it’s time.

ILY IMY INY Feel me