In the morning I stand in the garden and stare West. I feel my heart and soul reaching out into the distance, rounding the horizon and searching for her. My entire consciousness feeling, reaching, fumbling into the darkened side of the world, seeking her out and wrapping my virtual arms around her. Trying to whisper in her ear and tell her how much I love her, need her, give her whatever she needs. It’s a routine, a mantra, a form of meditation I do every morning to align myself with her and help me through the day while she sleeps. Sometimes I know she feels it, sometimes I invade her dreams and she’ll tell me later, some crazy coincidence which reminds me how closely we are connected. I try to fuel her, pour my energy to her, lift her up and give her the warm glow she deserves, place her gently on her pedestal, my Goddess, my Angel, I picture her on a throne, with white wings, cross legged and naked, beautiful inside and out, glowing with ethereal light, serene but all powerful. I wish she were here.

The West conjures up so many things for me but mostly the smiles, the joy, the walking in the sunshine, the flying, the drinks, the laughs (so hard we cried), the talks, the time in our bubble, the dancing, the making love, the outright fucking, the orgasms, the come, the squirting, the holding, the sleeping, the crying. All equal in their power, their intensity, their clarity, it’s like I can imagine any of them happening now even though most were an achingly long time ago. The world is in the grip of crisis and the distance has never seemed so great, the memories are so much more precious because of the indeterminate path ahead, the lack of a plan, the clock still ticking up, my heart literally aches but the memories provide me some calm amidst the chaos.

I’d do anything to be with her, to see her eyes, to gaze into her soul, to hold her and show her how I feel, how I love her, worship her, need to have her, soft, hard, gentle, frantic, every way possible (and perhaps some previously thought impossible). Got to be with her, need her more than ever, but the world, the universe, God, has decided we need to wait and it’s heartbreakingly hard. In the meantime, I stare into the West in the mornings and reach for her with everything I have, everything I am, my very being, my yearning conjured into life force and transported around the globe. I hope she feels that, I only want what she wants.

God, let her know how I feel, make her feel me, keep her wanting me and don’t let her give up or become bored of us, I have so much more to give, some of it she has no idea about, the well of my love, emotion, passion is bottomless for her, try to make her feel that. Help us to find a way to be together, to bathe in our love and start our chapter. I implore you Lord, show us the way.

Universe, need to talk with you a lil bit. Perhaps I let go of the rudder or forgot to focus like you taught me, I can see you are guiding a career path for me but she is still so distant, what are you up to? I’ll be in touch soon.

My Goddess, feel me reach to you every morning, it’ll come from your East and it’ll feel like the warmest most comfortable blanket, a blanket for your heart, your soul. It’ll reach inside you and provide with the softest most exquisite explosion of passion, holding you on the infinite edge. That’s where I want to be with you, feel me. I love you.