I woke this morning, foggy from the jet lag, numb physically and emotionally, feeling bereft and incomplete, a part of me is missing and she is 6000 miles away again. The sky outside was grey, a uniform nothing of a grey, no definition, no clear clouds. It strangely matched my mood, perhaps it’s the universe sympathising with me, perhaps I summoned into being. I know it fitted is all.

Dragging myself up and into a morning routine of sorts, I was like a zombie, an automaton but as I went about my tasks, I found tiny morsels of soul sustenance. Showering, I was transported back to the Rockstar glass of Vodka tonic in the bathroom of 598, hard not to smile at that memory, getting my computer out and putting it on charge, pulling flight details and hotel receipts from my bag, dewy eyed, a smirked and smiled. The tiny bottle of ketchup on my kitchen table reminds me of a bucket of ranch dressing.

Extracting my poor crumpled suit from its tiny suitcase I laid it on the bed, smoothed it with my palm and it instantly made me think of her doing that when I was in it. I love that suit. I love that sensation of her hand on my chest, I do it to myself as a poor substitute sometimes. Reminds me of saying goodbye at Houston as the transport zipped me away from her.

I grab the dog and head for the car, a walk in the forest is needed and I actually missed the stupid dog too, as cute as he is, it’s more that he is my unknowing accomplice to countless walks with my baby in the forest, running batteries flat, talking, laughing, cumming (sorry). By the time I get to the woods and stomp up the path listening to Goo Goo Dolls and Snow Patrol my spirits lift a little, smiling while walking and recounting the memories. Alone with my thoughts and memories I can transport myself, it hurts but it’s better.

As I walk and think about our next meeting intertwined with the billion moments of the last ten days, the sky brightens, and the sun starts to try to break through, the grey turning to a glow, golden in places. Hmm, is this reflecting my mood or the universe showing support? Freaky.

A friend calls and we address some awkward questions, we resolve them quickly and we are back on track, talking about business and the elements of my last week. Telling the relevant parts of the story affords me the chance to bask in the glow of that chapter from a different perspective, careful to keep the important parts in my own mind but enjoying them nonetheless. Even able to talk about that place in the desert a little, transporting myself again. I felt renewed as we finished our discussion, we are business focused, all the concerns and points covered, plans for the days meetings in place. Mischief managed.

Now I’m provided the luxury of basking myself again in her glory, her skin, her body, our times, our tears, our laughter, our desires. I ache for her, I yearn to be with her but I am sated a little with the memories.

Emails and tasks list ensued, distracting me further but at least the sun is shining now. In no time at all, she appears, reaching out across the void and my heart beats hard, butterflies anew, we’ll be talking soon, although that seems to be taking forever.

To my sunshine, my eternal light, my erotic, sensual goddess, distance and time-zones are killing me again, I alternate between pain, sorrow, wet eyes and joy, laughter, desire. I’m incomplete without you. “I’d give up forever to touch you”

Universe, you bring the grey when I’m numb, the sun when I smile, now show me the way.